About two generations ago, those in charge of policies and decisions regarding child welfare implemented laws that forever changed parenting, families, and society.  Child protection is certainly necessary in instances of severe neglect and abuse; however, parents no longer knew how to raise children with authority due to fear of having their children removed to Child Protective Services and raised in foster homes.  Also, the incidence of single parent families has lessoned the availability of parents to manage on their own. Since then, many theories of raising and disciplining children have been published and put into practice that were far from the traditional parenting approaches resembling firm, fair, consistent enforcement of rules by adults in charge. Over a relatively short period, children have learned that adults have limited authority to establish and enforce rules. 

Clear expectations and a reasonable respect for authority is required to keep most children in order.  Children are not born following rules. They are taught. Similarly, empathy is a higher order skill that is acquired.  Bullies, limited in empathy and respect for others, have taken matters into their own hands.  They behave as though they are justified or entitled to put others down, causing them to feel low. They are the angry weak, masquerading as strong individuals, in need of intervention and support. Usually, they are reinforced by comrades who are like minded, or would rather join in then become victims themselves. Sometimes, those victimized by bullies later find acceptance in negative peer cultures, then turn around and bully those they perceive as vulnerable.  

The first order of business to evoke change must begin with the adults in charge. It is up to them to effectively manage firm, fair, and consistent rules and consequences. Spankings have been proven to have short-term effects, not lasting change. The idea is to teach and enforce rules and consequences for long-term benefits while building confidence and sense of self-worth.  Positive discipline is effective. 

Most parents "wing it" by responding to rule violations according to their emotion and energy levels. This leads to family dysfunction. Positive discipline, utilizing firm, fair and consistent rules and consequences is the solution. 

First, adults must establish clear, reasonable rules.  Writing and posting them is required for clarity and consistent enforcement.

Next, adults must model these rules and consistently enforce them before children will take them seriously.   

Third, determine appropriate consequences.  Be prepared.  Children will break rules. It is their job to learn. It is the parents job to teach.

Finally, provide consistency enforcing rules and delivering consequences in a neutral, supportive manner. 

Once children's behaviors are effectively managed, consider enrolling them in activities supporting their interests and needs. 

For more information and/or support establishing a structured, positive discipline plan for your family, please contact Fran Tyson-Marchino via this website or call (808) 755-5252.